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Grandmama visited last month + new blog!

A whole month has already passed since my mom visited but MAN did Lily love having her grandma here! My mom was here for three weeks in December for Lilyian’s birth then she visited in February when my little was only 2 months old so she didn’t really interact with anyone yet. THREE months go by and I’m pretty sure my mom was going to explode if any more time passed without seeing us but she finally visited at the end of May. Now, mind you, we had FaceTime’d with my mom almost daily between February and May and Lily had grown to learn that the FaceTime call-tone meant GRANDMAMA! and she grew very irate if GRANDMA! didn’t answer.

My mom got here right when Lilyian turned 5 months so she got to see a much more lively baby. They read together, laughed, cuddled, and simply enjoyed each other’s company. Since my mom has left, Lily has learned how to crawl (someone save us!), plays more, is cutting her first tooth (again, save us!!) and has begun eating solids… which is a whole different post I need to work on (spoiler: she loathes cucumber)

Grandmama and Lily Monster!

Grandmama and Lily Monster!

Smiles for my mom

Smiles for my mom

how very interesting..

how very interesting..

SO! I previously said I was starting a new blog AND I HAVE! Big News for Little Ones is a site where I will be posting articles from around the world that are kid-friendly. It is really hard to sift through all the negative to find something you and your little one can learn about together so this blog will become an easier way to find the good in all the bad. I am trying to update fairly often but the crawling + the tooth cutting + preparing to move = slightly challenging so bear with me while I get everything to calm down!

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Physical therapy + doTERRA DIY + I’m making another blog!

Hello, world! I have finished physical therapy! A little background information: I started physical therapy in March after my doctor (finally) accepted the fact that my postpartum pain wasn’t going to resolve itself and recommended me to a physical therapist. It turns out that my hips were staying misaligned and a nerve was getting pinched. After several sessions with at home exercises and deep muscle massages (oh my goodness <3), my hips are staying where they are meant to be and I am PAIN FREE! Thank goodness, I can finally sleep! Eric rubs my hip once a week with doTERRA Deep Blue rub which helps immensely as well.

 

This doTERRA DIY is.. Razor Burn Relief! Now the story behind this is simple and one many moms can understand… I just don’t have time to shave anymore. It is a happy day when I get my calves done but my thighs… I don’t think they had been shaved in the year 2015 until the other day. Well, I finally got the time + dedication to weed whack and, of course, I broke out in some bad razor burn. I decided to look up how to get rid of razor bumps with essential oils and stumbled across Atwood Avenue’s post which suggested using lavender and melaleuca. I sprayed my Owie Spray on my legs as it contains both oils plus frankincense which is pretty much a miracle in a bottle for anything you need and.. tadah! My bumps are GONE! I am so happy because I also do not have a thigh gap so my puppies get even more irritated from rubbing against each other.

 

Finally, I’m making another blog! I want to be more active online since Lilyian is now 6 months old (tomorrow!) so I have a bit more freedom as she likes doing things on her own now. This new blog will be a daily news blog where I post information and links to kid-friendly news. I always liked hearing about the world as a child but it was hard to sift through the negative to find the positive stories and I know we don’t want to spend 20 minutes sorting through age-inappropriate articles before we find one that we can share with our children. This blog will encourage us as parents to connect with our children through what is happening around the world and who doesn’t want that?! Leave a comment on what kind of news you would be interested in hearing about + the age of your child/children. Thanks so much!!

 

And a Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers around the world!

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I promise I’m still kicking over here!

PHEW! I haven’t written anything in over a month! Where has the time gone? Well, Lilyian would know since she hogged all of it. I don’t mind, I love spending my time with her. However this now means I have a LOT to post about! I’ll be working on these posts over the weekend but here’s what we have to look forward to:

  • The Little Bee Co. diapers review
  • doTERRA DIY
  • Lily turn 5 months old!
  • My mom visiting (Grandmama Lisa + Lily = perfect)
  • Physical therapy overview
  • Packing and cleaning and Army oh my!

While I have you here. Does anyone have any fox nursery decorations they can point me to? I’ll post pictures of what we have but I want to actually decorate Lilyian’s room when we finally move and I would love any suggestions you have!

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Oils… diapers… life OH MY!

phew it has been super busy in this household lately. Where to even start… lets start with the weekend before Earth Day!

Lilyian decided to drop her fourth nap over that weekend and oh boy was it hell on wheels. She didn’t WANT that nap but her body sure did! It was Zero fun for about 4 days then she finally got into a rhythm:

8am – wake up

9:30ish – nap

10:30ish – wake up

1pm – nap

1:30pm – wake up

3:30pm – nap

4pm – wake up

7:30pm – bedtime

As you can see, we need to work this out a little because she’s up too long before going to bed-bed and by that time she’s fighting and cranky. We’re going to start her bedtime routine at 6:30pm instead of waiting until 7pm to try to even her out. And we’re trying to wean off the nightime feedings that the four month regression brought back. She can go 12 straight hours but this regression has had her up every four hours for the last couple weeks. We’re getting better though!

My friend, Leah, invited Lily and I to an Earth Day get together with her and her daughter. We decorated pots and planted a flower! Lily got her first lily flower.

11109147_10205798292252987_5313961923960102814_oThen followed the hilarious fails that prove I am not meant to be a photographer

Attempt 1 - my kid says NINJA NOPE

Attempt 1 – my kid says NINJA NOPE

Attempt 2 - meh better

Attempt 2 – meh betterish

My child is not photogenic.

My child is not photogenic.

and then I went a little.. Earth Day sale crazy. I ordered a bunch of diapers BUT THEY WERE SO CUTE, HOW COULD I RESIST? Some of the goodies:

I have a problem. I'm addicted to buying  cloth diapers.

I have a problem. I’m addicted to buying cloth diapers.

This has become my life….

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sorry for the blur.. only image I could find

because I ALSO placed an order with The Little Bee Co. who has an amazing amazing AMAZING promotion going on. This company usually does a Diaper Drop – for every diaper purchased, they send another to a baby in need. But they’re currently doing a Diaper Drop with a Twist where they send you TWO diapers – one you purchased and another free to give to someone interested in starting cloth diapers (like I will be) or someone in need of diapers. I am SO amazed by this company and I cannot wait to try their diapers out. I’ll definitely be writing a review once they arrive!

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Lily and I had a little mini bug over this past weekend so I’ve been running On Guard and Breathe blends in the diffuser. Our magical oil moments were as follows:

Eric had a HUGE migraine yesterday – Deep Blue on the temples + PastTense on the base of his skull + Frankincense under his tongue = gone in no time.

My allergies have been taken care of by the allergy bomb – lavender + peppermint + lemon on the bottom of my feet.

We’ve been running Serenity in the bedroom at night to help relax Lily and it has definitely been helping in calming her down. We give her a massage nightly with lavender and coconut oil but I really see a difference when we run the blend in the humidifier.

doterra-serenity

and finally… BUG SPRAY! doTERRA has an oil blend called TerraShield that seriously has been keeping the bugs off of me. I am a mosquito magnet with my O+ blood.. I’ve only been bit twice so far this year and that is when I forgot to put a drop on my legs. Now, I’m really sensitive to the stuff so I have to dilute with coconut oil or else I get hives (everything gives me hives so.. I’m really not surprised) but I’ve just made up a 1:1 ratio of essential oil to coconut oil and spray it on and away I go!

My doTERRA link: mydoterra.com/brittanylane1315 if you have any questions or if you just want to meander!

and finally… my baby turned 4 months old on the 22nd. She is AMAZING! We stood her in front of the mirror the other day and she just stepstepstep’ed right up to her reflection! She has been taking steps ever since, we can barely keep her in one spot for two minutes anymore. She rolls constantly, has suddenly become a tummy sleeper (which led to an order of nighttime diapers with tummy panels since she super leaked during a 13 hour sleep), and loooooooves when I “nibble” at her neck and belly. She talks all the time, just ahhhhhh ah ah ah AHHHHH, she blows angry bubbles when she fights naptime, and I am the happiest mama to ever live

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There is nothing wrong with formula

As I posted before, I had to give formula to Lilyian for a few weeks before I was able to wean her back to breast milk (after lots of pumping, then using a nipple shield, and now finally we are full Babe on the Boob). I was ecstatic about being able to give my baby breast milk… but guess what? There is absolutely nothing wrong with giving formula. Formula saved my baby’s life when she wouldn’t eat then when she wouldn’t take the breast and I hadn’t pumped enough for a full feed every time.

As a Mom, we do everything in our power to do what is best for our child and sometimes we judge other Moms for not doing what we are doing because, well, WE are doing what is BEST, right? Doing what is best for your child is not the same as doing what is best for all children so I want to be clear that any Mom who chooses to formula feed instead of breast feed knows that they have made the best decision. I’ve read many articles saying not to shame a Mom for formula feeding because you don’t know her circumstances. Maybe she can’t make enough milk. Maybe the baby is allergic. Maybe she has a demanding job that restricts her from pumping. I’m taking that philosophy one step further and saying DO NOT shame any Mom for formula feeding REGARDLESS of her reasons (which we have no reason to ask in the first place). Is she feeding her baby something healthy and nutritiously appropriate? Yes? End of discussion. I may have to sit with Lily at my breast for 15-45 minutes but that doesn’t mean my job is “easier.” Formula feeding – making bottles, cleaning bottles, buying formula, and guess what? Significant Other/Parent #2 gets to feed the baby too. That is some serious bonding time that MY husband has to miss out on and he really misses bottle feeding our little girl. I wanted to breastfeed my baby. I fought very hard to get away from formula then to get her on the breast and my efforts have been successful. That is the only thing that has gone correctly (seriously read my birth story and afterwards to understand that I got veeeeeeeeeery little from my birth that I wanted besides the baby (which is totally the best part anyways so oh well))

Stop shaming Moms. You’re an amazing Mother all on your own, you truly do not need to put others down to feel better about your choices. If you do, you may not be happy with the choices you made and I suggest taking a step back, evaluating what the problem is, and adjusting it to make you and your baby happy. Your child is going to grow up healthy, happy, and loving you so what does it matter what the other Mom is doing? There is nothing wrong with formula.

Note: There is 100% something wrong with not vaccinating your kid and not keeping your child as safe as possible (car seat, properly sleeping in a crib, etc). Why do I mention vaccines? Not vaccinating your child puts those who can’t get the vaccine vulnerable to the disease, including babies and cancer patients.

To end, here is my absolutely adorable kid being absolutely adorable

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From Hospital to Home

I haven’t posted in awhile because…LILY IS HERE! And what follows is the hell I had to go through to get her here.

(I apologize for any and all typos. I typed this out on my iPad without a keyboard so.. yeah.. will edit later)

 

Day 1 – Wednesday, 12/17, ETA 1 day

Throughout the day, I had been trying various methods to get Lilyian out. A belly rub + squat combo, enthusiastic birth ball bouncing, and many more. I was also a bit grouchy. Eric was going to go run as he usually does on MWF but I was being selfish and wanted him to come home and walk the dog with me. Of course I couldn’t simply say that noooooo…too easy. I had to frame it in such way that appeared I was going walking now as to avoid the dark. Eric didn’t catch what I meant so I got snippy with him and told him I was going alone so SEE HIM AFTER HIS RUN. Knocked lightly on my mom’s door to see if she wanted to join me but she was napping so I wrote a note on the board with the time and off I went. I took a longer route than usual so I could fume alone and maybe get Lily out in the process, however the end section was the same. As we were approaching the second to last corner, a huge German Shepard that is usually on a chain came barreling towards us and put his paws on the top of the fence. My golden retriever boxer mix went into protect mode and started launching at the other dog. I attempted to grab his collar and right as I got a handle of it, he twisted. That twist pulled me off balance and I watched myself fall to the ground. I tried to catch myself but the way the ground was leveled, my knee and hand hit it..followed by the rest of my weight directly on my belly. I went into full panic mode. I got hold of Roan who stopped fighting so much as I was sobbing, I called my mom to come get me, and I frantically tried calling Eric. Car after car drove by, looking out their window at me as they passed the lady on the ground. One car finally turned around and came back to see what was wrong and went into a panic when I said I was pregnant. My mom showed up then and took me home as I had gotten in contact Eric who was now speeding to come home. When he got there, we all loaded into the car and drove straight to the hospital, who we had called to inform we were on our way. We were immediately taken to the back and I was hooked up to the monitors. Baby girl was a little hard to find at first but she was posterior so that’s not surprising. They finally got a heartbeat and I was having fairly regular contractions of every 8 minutes. Blood drawn and so began the four hour mandatory countdown of being on the monitors after a fall. An ultrasound was performed to see if there was an obvious placental abruption which there wasn’t. Side note: they are only able to detect an abruption 50% of the time so keep that in mind if you ever have a fall. At the end of the four hours, we were given the choice to go home and come back in the morning for monitoring again or to stay to be induced. The OB pushed for us to stay as they couldn’t guarantee Lily’s safety so we agreed. IV placed in the very unfavorable location of the outside of the crook of my arm and I was moved to my L&D room, hooked to the monitors, and Cervidil inserted. They gave me an Ambien to help sleep and thus ended day one.

the start of a very..very..very long adventure

the start of a very..very..very long adventure

Day 2 – Thursday, 12/18, ETA 0 days

After taking the Ambien, I was woken up several times throughout the night as Lily kept rolling off the monitor. Two ultrasounds were performed before shift change at 7am to find her heartbeat and confirm she was indeed head down as the heartbeat was usually located near the top of my uterus (normal for posterior babies according to one of my many nurses). I may have been able to fall asleep quickly on the Ambien but man it is rough to constantly be rolled over and adjusted and told not to move when all you want to do is sleep. Cervidil came out after 10 hours insertion, cervix checked at 3cm 50% and -3. A foley bulb was then inserted and I spent the next several hours being put into painful positions in order to keep Lily on the monitor. It never lasted longer than an hour before she shifted off of them and another painful repositioning. Finally I was allowed on the birth ball and to stand which Lily actually cooperated with and stayed on the monitor fairly well for. Foley bulb came out, cervix checked at 4cm 75% and -3. Woo progress! I was sent to walk for an hour, shower, eat, be a human for a little while before being put back into the bed.

making my way down the hall faces pass i hope i don't fall

making my way down the hall
faces pass
i hope i don’t fall

Day 3 – Friday, 12/19, ETA -1 days
That morning, I was checked by the attending…at 3cm 50% and -3. EXCUSE ME???? I moved BACKWARDS? Not technically, just a difference in opinion and this was the attending checking me, not a resident.. So great, I was back where I started. After a night of enthusiasm that I progressed…I really hadn’t. Many curse words followed. My badass day nurse kept my spirits high and did everything in her power to keep me happy. Sadly though, I needed my IV moved. It was currently in my outer elbow bend area but whenever I moved my arm, my fluids would stop. So they put it in the other arm’s outer elbow crease area. Yeah that sounds smart, same spot on the other arm… Anyone else see where this will lead in the future? Another fun fact, we left the first one in just in case I needed a c section. That put the pressure cuff on the first arm and it was on the catheter.. I hated life. We started pitocin and…I was constantly 3cm 50% and -3. Oooooh myyyyyy goooooooood do you know how it feels to be told time after time that nothing is happening? It’s maddening. Add in the crappy hospital bed, lack of sleep and food, and general stress… I was a wreck by that evening. And my night doctor could tell. He came in and offered to see if we could just go home for 24-48 hours so we could recharge. I wasn’t progressing and I wasn’t at risk anymore..there was no reason to keep me. We readily agreed and waited for him to return. He returned…and said he was denied. He asked again. Denied. Our night nurse asked…denied. I went to bed heartbroken, emotionally exhausted, and my will to continue diminishing.

Day 4 – Saturday, 12/20, ETA -2 days
Night doctor came in once again and told me he tried one last time before his shift ended and he was still denied letting me go home. I thanked him for trying, I really did appreciate his efforts and I knew he felt horrible for getting my hopes up. The day resident came in and I told him I was refusing anymore induction methods. No more pitocin, no more Cervidil, just no more. The resident informed the attending doctor and returned to inform me that they were not going to let me leave and my only option was to continue the induction methods. Yep, I was completely ignored. And at that point, I was so done with everything that I gave in. I let the asshole attending give me a dose of Cytotec then insult my pregnant body (I had a lot of loose skin from Lily sitting weirdly. He grabbed it and jiggled it then commented that it was why they couldn’t keep her on the monitor). I told my mom what happened and she filed a report on him. My day nurse realized that I wasn’t part of the Women’s Health Clinic and she was able to go around Dr. Asshole and get me with my clinic’s OB doctors. They gave me another foley bulb, thinking that the first must have been inserted incorrectly since I didn’t change whatsoever. I spent that day having lots of back labor and loopy as I asked for the IV pain meds. Oh those are fun..for about 30 minutes. After my half hour of tripping balls, the pain came back. Of course, you can only have one does every so many hours so I made sure I had a dose as soon as the time came up every time. I was allowed to shower, eat, and walk a few laps around the L&D floor (walking with a foley bulb is less than fun. The strings that hang out remind me of the cable plugs for the TV…they’re even colored coded).

plug me in and lets play mario kart

plug me in and lets play mario kart

My day nurse took out the original IV to give me some comfort but I was miserable. By the evening, I was asking about an AMA form as I was so very done being there, I was losing hope and I wanted something to change or to get a damn C section already. The night attending doctor from my clinic came in, gave me her advice (and was shocked that I had refused induction methods as it was never noted by the other doctor…asshole), and I agreed to stay. Why did I agree? Because I couldn’t risk my baby. There is a huge difference between a medical professional giving their blessing on you leaving and you leaving on your own. Was it likely something would happen to Lily? No. Would I have been completely and utterly crushed if something did happen after I left? Without a doubt. So I stayed. After agreeing to stay, I settled into bed and cried silently. At my exhaustion, my frustration, everything.

At some point I started watching my mom play on her iPad (she was trying not to stare at me since her baby was in pain) and out of the corner of my eye, I noticed something was wrong. My IV had blown and the fluids were filling my arm up, swelling it until it looked like I had a Popeye muscle. Well that was just freaking fantastic. The night nurse looked at my original arm (which was the right arm. This is getting confusing so left arm = Popeye muscle and unusable until it deflated. Right arm = original victim) and commented that it sucked my original IV was removed since it would come in handy right about now. She looked at all my veins…and couldn’t find one. Write, hand, forearm, side of my arm..nothing. She said I might just get to go home if they couldn’t find a vein and my fingers were crossed. She called in the IV specialist dude…and I hate him with a passion because he found a vein. The one directly in the middle of my elbow crease, where people tend to draw blood from. So I wasn’t allowed to bend my arm. LOL ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? Not only am I in hell but I cannot use my right arm anymore? I sobbed then said screw it and used my arm anyways. Pissed my fluids off constantly but my give-a-shit was broken and we had been there long enough to know how to restart them without calling for help. So ha!

ss3

i got MUSCLES

 

Super nice attending doctor asked to feel my belly since every time they did a pelvic exam, Lily would float away when they touched her head. “Bollatable” is the medical term. Anyways, he felt my stomach and then asked how big my husband and I were at birth. I was 9lbs 8oz and Eric wasn’t too far off from that. He nodded and gave us a “sorry” grin as he estimated she would be close to nine pounds. Oh joyous day, my first one has to be ginormous.
Day 5, Sunday, 12/21, ETA -3 days
The night was spent with Lily rolling off the monitor, me getting woken up to out her back on the monitor, me falling asleep…repeat. Same old, same old. My day nurse came in and she was wonderful. Her name was Sheila, spelled Shilaus. She got annoyed that the doctors were taking so long to come see me so she let me eat, shower, take a walk (total times eating since Wednesday: 5). Another nurse, Lisa, came in and braided my hair then rubbed oils on my stomach and back.

breakfast of champions

breakfast of champions

Shilaus tried to move my IV to my forearm on my left arm…instantly blew the vein so I had a painful lump for a week and I’m still nursing a nasty bruise (it’s 1/6/15 as I write this)..and the AC vein IV remained. My foley bulb finally came out and I was rechecked… at 3cm 60% and -3. Oh look I “moved”. I spoke with my resident and the attending doctor who informed me that I was going to begin 24 hours of pitocin at 3pm and if I didn’t go into active labor, they were going to start discussing a c section so MAYBE Monday night but definitely Tuesday, I was going to have a baby. Okay, I’m fine with that. At this point, she needs to get out and I would gladly do a c section. Pitocin started with an oral dose of Cytotec and I prepared myself for my impending c section. My resident came in right before shift change and told me that he as going to start pressing the OB doctors for a c section tomorrow instead of Tuesday as I had been there for so long and he had been alongside me since the beginning of my induction so he knew we needed to get things going now. My mom headed home for the night to take care of my pets and get a good rest before any decisions were made. My night doctor came in at 11pm, same man who tried to let me go home Friday night, and implied that he was pretty damn sure I was getting a c section.

 

Day 6, Monday, 12/22/14, ETA -4 days
12:30am, chilling in my bed, talking to the hubs… Did I just pee myself? I made Eric go see if I peed myself. He gave me a shrug and a ‘I think so?’ and then his eyes widened right when I felt another flow of fluids. ‘Brittany, that did not come from where you pee…’ ……did my water just break???? Called my night nurse and the way she said “YOUR water broke?” will forever be ingrained in my mind and I will chuckle every time I think of it. The ‘uh huh sure’ tone remained as she told me she’d send the doctor in. He arrived with the resident and he gave me this smile that said “you probably peed yourself” as I told him no laughing if that’s what happened. They checked me… Yep, water broke! They’d be back in a little bit with the midwife to attach the internal monitors and this party was starting! When they left, I looked at Eric and said “the little shit waited until the last possible second to come on her own” and he laughed. What else should I expect? We all remember this post where I said she tried to mimic me by making her hand look like boy parts? Well I was due to be induced on the 30th..and I came in the 29th so OF COURSE she waited until right before the c section. I told my mom who had was just as disbelieving but it-freaking-figures as I was and she went to bed to gear up for my impending, hopefully vaginal, delivery of Lilyian.

The midwife came in to attach the internal contraction monitor and internal fetal monitor… As she went to put the first monitor in, she officially broke my water and holy hell there was so much fluid. So very much fluid. So much fluid she had to stop and change my bedding before attaching the second monitor. Eric equates the amount of fluid to opening a drainage pipe for a dam. All I know is my butt and feet were suddenly on fire and very wet. They attached the fetal monitor and I was allowed to sleeeeeee…negative, somehow Lily detached herself from the internal monitor. My nurse grabbed another monitor and I told her I still felt like I was flowing amniotic fluid and she said almost all of it was gone in the tidal wave so I was probably peeing myself. She went to attach the second monitor…and the second tidal wave wet up her arm. Well, I did warn her. She laughed, said I could have at least bought her dinner first, then attached the monitor before changing her clothes. Lily still popped off the monitor every once in awhile so they put me in crappy positions to try to keep her on them. It didn’t work. The midwife came back in not too long later and told me that she had created the system that the DOD uses in L&D. It has been used for a few years now and she wanted to talk to the woman who, for the first time ever, went over the note limit. Yep, I broke her system. My doctors were having to write out my notes elsewhere to be entered in a separate location. She was impressed, I was impressed. I had been there SO LONG I had used up every single available note slot. I’m proud.

The pain from the contractions was really starting to beat me up so I asked for an epidural. The lidocaine was PAINFUL and the epidural got a nerve on the left middle part of my butt. I finally got some sleep. Shilaus was my day nurse again and she came in all excited that I was going into active labor and she had snatched me as a patient before anyone else could (much to the dismay of my previous day nurses, including the badass nurse from Friday who was pouting that she was charge nurse and couldn’t take me. She gave me a high five though!). I asked for the epidural to be turned down as I felt very sick at its current level. I had no feeling in my left leg, some feeling in my right with 80% foot control! my ass was numb… just no fun. They turned it down by two and I could feel my left leg slightly so I was happy. I got some anti itch meds because being numb = ITCHY SPOTS THAT DO NOT GO AWAY. The meds helped tremendously, 10/10 would recommend. Suddenly, my pain was back but only on my right side. From the middle of my pelvis to the middle of my lower back on the right, I was in excruciating pain whenever a contraction hit. Oh great, the epidural was definitely on my left. They turned the meds back up and nothing changed except lack of feeling in my legs. After about an hour of making my mom and nurse want to cry from my moans, I agreed to get a second epidural. They removed the first (free back wax from all the tape!), gave me oxygen, and a second was inserted. I laid down…the pain wrapped my entire pelvis and back now! This is the opposite of what I wanted!!! After a half hour, the anesthesiologist came back and evaluated my pain. He informed me that there was a good chance my baby was sitting in such a position that the epidural was ineffective in that area but decided to give me a dose of c-section epidural meds to see if it would help. Powerful stuff, right? All it did for me was make my ass 100% numb. All the pain but without a butt to center myself on. Fun times.

I stayed on the oxygen for nearly the rest of my labor as it was helping me breathe and I withdrew into myself to block out some of the pain. I was checked sporadically throughout the day, always progressing, and around 3pm I was completely effaced and Lilyian was RIGHT THERE at the cervix but I had a tiny little lip left that she couldn’t get passed. Ugh! Shilaus checked me again 30 minutes later…smaller cervix lip but still too big for Lily to squeeze by. She said she would be back in a little while to check me again and headed out. I’m not sure how much time passed as I was focused on my contractions..but all of the sudden I realized I couldn’t do Kegels (best description I can give) because something was there. I narrowed my eyes and Eric and my mom both asked what was wrong????? I told them to call Shilaus, it was time to push. She came in, checked me, wow yep there’s the baby TIME TO PUSH. Oh and guess what, I suddenly couldn’t feel my contractions anymore. Do you know how you’re supposed to push? Grab your legs and bring them to your chest (with my legs 90% dead, that didn’t happen. Eric and Mom became human stirrups) then tuck your chin and try to poop whenever you feel a contraction. Push three times at a slow ten count. Well I grabbed my legs that my lovely support team were holding up and went at it. It didn’t go well at first because A. can’t feel the contractions so I was doing more work, and B. I had no idea how to push. There’s a certain point where your brain thinks you should most definitely not push any harder and baby pushing is past that point. Also, I had to focus the pushing on my perineum, otherwise I wasn’t moving.

Lily moved fairly quickly downwards but I was so exhausted from five days of induction, no food, little sleep, and pushing more than I needed to that I started to taper off. Everyone kept encouraging me to keep going and that her head was nearly to the point where it stopped going back in after a push. Shilaus repeatedly asked me if I wanted a mirror or to reach down and feel her head. This was the only time I snapped at someone and it was after telling her no several times. I immediately apologized. Then I had a panic attack of HER HEAD ISN’T OUT YET?? and begged them to use the vacuum or something to help me. The doctors looked at me in disbelief and told me I HAD this, I didn’t need help and she was way passed the point of assisted delivery. Well fine, I was getting this baby out NOW. I started focusing heavily to feel a contraction and my mom realized that Lily was no longer a sunny side up baby. The little snot had turned when she got to the last bit of the cervix and that’s why I couldn’t feel my contractions!!! So I focused and I pushed as hard as I could, I screamed once when her head got to the widest point. Not really from pain, mostly from frustration and feeling a lot of pressure. I shouted again in frustration and suddenly my baby’s head was out. Another two pushes, I got her shoulders out and she just slid right out. They put her on my stomach and..I had a baby. My daughter was laying on my stomach. 57 minutes of pushing and I had my daughter a 4:57pm. I looked at my husband and he was bawling and smiling and kept telling me I did such a good job. I laughed as she peed on me but she settled down until Shilaus dried her off some.. then she peed on me again. The doctor delivered my placenta, Shilaus asked if I wanted to see it, ew no thank you. They measured Lily after a little bit of skin to skin contact. My little 7lb 11oz baby was 20.5 inches long and healthy as could be with a full head of dark hair (ha! I win! Everyone thought she would be born blonde since it runs in both our families but I was born with a full head of black hair so I said she would be too. Success!!)

fresh out of the prison cell

fresh out of the prison cell

i feel ya, bro

i feel ya, bro

 

All of the nurses who had fought over me came rushing in, one even complained that she wished she had came in my room instead of helping deliver another baby but she thought she had time! I pushed Lily out too quickly for her to make it over in time. Lily snuggled at my breast, we worked on latching which finally took after a few tries, and I just laid there with my beautiful daughter. Oh, anyone wondering how Lily was more than a pound less than what the doctor estimated? Yeah, all that amniotic fluid. It’s why she wouldn’t move down and kept bouncing away from all the checks and monitors. Not only was she active, there was so much fluid that she simply could not move downwards. Explains why my pelvis didn’t open and she never really dropped. After cuddling for an hour, dinner was brought to me and Eric snatched his daughter up as fast as he could. I ate and watched him walk with her around the room, absolutely mesmerized by her. Then he ran out to grab food for everyone, giving my mom a chance to meet her granddaughter.

first daddy daughter dance

first daddy daughter dance

 

Those two helped me so much more than I thought possible in delivering my little girl. I am forever grateful that I was able to have them both there, especially my mom since she drove 20 hours to be there for the birth. She took care of my house and pets so Eric didn’t have to leave me in the hospital alone. I was never alone. And now I have my daughter. My daughter. I am a mother. My life will never be the same and I’m so happy for it.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

Stay tuned for our adventures in the EMERGENCY ROOM and being ADMITTED TO A CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL with a FOUR DAY OLD (yep. that really happened)