I haven’t posted in awhile because…LILY IS HERE! And what follows is the hell I had to go through to get her here.
(I apologize for any and all typos. I typed this out on my iPad without a keyboard so.. yeah.. will edit later)
Day 1 – Wednesday, 12/17, ETA 1 day
Throughout the day, I had been trying various methods to get Lilyian out. A belly rub + squat combo, enthusiastic birth ball bouncing, and many more. I was also a bit grouchy. Eric was going to go run as he usually does on MWF but I was being selfish and wanted him to come home and walk the dog with me. Of course I couldn’t simply say that noooooo…too easy. I had to frame it in such way that appeared I was going walking now as to avoid the dark. Eric didn’t catch what I meant so I got snippy with him and told him I was going alone so SEE HIM AFTER HIS RUN. Knocked lightly on my mom’s door to see if she wanted to join me but she was napping so I wrote a note on the board with the time and off I went. I took a longer route than usual so I could fume alone and maybe get Lily out in the process, however the end section was the same. As we were approaching the second to last corner, a huge German Shepard that is usually on a chain came barreling towards us and put his paws on the top of the fence. My golden retriever boxer mix went into protect mode and started launching at the other dog. I attempted to grab his collar and right as I got a handle of it, he twisted. That twist pulled me off balance and I watched myself fall to the ground. I tried to catch myself but the way the ground was leveled, my knee and hand hit it..followed by the rest of my weight directly on my belly. I went into full panic mode. I got hold of Roan who stopped fighting so much as I was sobbing, I called my mom to come get me, and I frantically tried calling Eric. Car after car drove by, looking out their window at me as they passed the lady on the ground. One car finally turned around and came back to see what was wrong and went into a panic when I said I was pregnant. My mom showed up then and took me home as I had gotten in contact Eric who was now speeding to come home. When he got there, we all loaded into the car and drove straight to the hospital, who we had called to inform we were on our way. We were immediately taken to the back and I was hooked up to the monitors. Baby girl was a little hard to find at first but she was posterior so that’s not surprising. They finally got a heartbeat and I was having fairly regular contractions of every 8 minutes. Blood drawn and so began the four hour mandatory countdown of being on the monitors after a fall. An ultrasound was performed to see if there was an obvious placental abruption which there wasn’t. Side note: they are only able to detect an abruption 50% of the time so keep that in mind if you ever have a fall. At the end of the four hours, we were given the choice to go home and come back in the morning for monitoring again or to stay to be induced. The OB pushed for us to stay as they couldn’t guarantee Lily’s safety so we agreed. IV placed in the very unfavorable location of the outside of the crook of my arm and I was moved to my L&D room, hooked to the monitors, and Cervidil inserted. They gave me an Ambien to help sleep and thus ended day one.
the start of a very..very..very long adventure
Day 2 – Thursday, 12/18, ETA 0 days
After taking the Ambien, I was woken up several times throughout the night as Lily kept rolling off the monitor. Two ultrasounds were performed before shift change at 7am to find her heartbeat and confirm she was indeed head down as the heartbeat was usually located near the top of my uterus (normal for posterior babies according to one of my many nurses). I may have been able to fall asleep quickly on the Ambien but man it is rough to constantly be rolled over and adjusted and told not to move when all you want to do is sleep. Cervidil came out after 10 hours insertion, cervix checked at 3cm 50% and -3. A foley bulb was then inserted and I spent the next several hours being put into painful positions in order to keep Lily on the monitor. It never lasted longer than an hour before she shifted off of them and another painful repositioning. Finally I was allowed on the birth ball and to stand which Lily actually cooperated with and stayed on the monitor fairly well for. Foley bulb came out, cervix checked at 4cm 75% and -3. Woo progress! I was sent to walk for an hour, shower, eat, be a human for a little while before being put back into the bed.
making my way down the hall
i hope i don’t fall
Day 3 – Friday, 12/19, ETA -1 days
That morning, I was checked by the attending…at 3cm 50% and -3. EXCUSE ME???? I moved BACKWARDS? Not technically, just a difference in opinion and this was the attending checking me, not a resident.. So great, I was back where I started. After a night of enthusiasm that I progressed…I really hadn’t. Many curse words followed. My badass day nurse kept my spirits high and did everything in her power to keep me happy. Sadly though, I needed my IV moved. It was currently in my outer elbow bend area but whenever I moved my arm, my fluids would stop. So they put it in the other arm’s outer elbow crease area. Yeah that sounds smart, same spot on the other arm… Anyone else see where this will lead in the future? Another fun fact, we left the first one in just in case I needed a c section. That put the pressure cuff on the first arm and it was on the catheter.. I hated life. We started pitocin and…I was constantly 3cm 50% and -3. Oooooh myyyyyy goooooooood do you know how it feels to be told time after time that nothing is happening? It’s maddening. Add in the crappy hospital bed, lack of sleep and food, and general stress… I was a wreck by that evening. And my night doctor could tell. He came in and offered to see if we could just go home for 24-48 hours so we could recharge. I wasn’t progressing and I wasn’t at risk anymore..there was no reason to keep me. We readily agreed and waited for him to return. He returned…and said he was denied. He asked again. Denied. Our night nurse asked…denied. I went to bed heartbroken, emotionally exhausted, and my will to continue diminishing.
Day 4 – Saturday, 12/20, ETA -2 days
Night doctor came in once again and told me he tried one last time before his shift ended and he was still denied letting me go home. I thanked him for trying, I really did appreciate his efforts and I knew he felt horrible for getting my hopes up. The day resident came in and I told him I was refusing anymore induction methods. No more pitocin, no more Cervidil, just no more. The resident informed the attending doctor and returned to inform me that they were not going to let me leave and my only option was to continue the induction methods. Yep, I was completely ignored. And at that point, I was so done with everything that I gave in. I let the asshole attending give me a dose of Cytotec then insult my pregnant body (I had a lot of loose skin from Lily sitting weirdly. He grabbed it and jiggled it then commented that it was why they couldn’t keep her on the monitor). I told my mom what happened and she filed a report on him. My day nurse realized that I wasn’t part of the Women’s Health Clinic and she was able to go around Dr. Asshole and get me with my clinic’s OB doctors. They gave me another foley bulb, thinking that the first must have been inserted incorrectly since I didn’t change whatsoever. I spent that day having lots of back labor and loopy as I asked for the IV pain meds. Oh those are fun..for about 30 minutes. After my half hour of tripping balls, the pain came back. Of course, you can only have one does every so many hours so I made sure I had a dose as soon as the time came up every time. I was allowed to shower, eat, and walk a few laps around the L&D floor (walking with a foley bulb is less than fun. The strings that hang out remind me of the cable plugs for the TV…they’re even colored coded).
plug me in and lets play mario kart
My day nurse took out the original IV to give me some comfort but I was miserable. By the evening, I was asking about an AMA form as I was so very done being there, I was losing hope and I wanted something to change or to get a damn C section already. The night attending doctor from my clinic came in, gave me her advice (and was shocked that I had refused induction methods as it was never noted by the other doctor…asshole), and I agreed to stay. Why did I agree? Because I couldn’t risk my baby. There is a huge difference between a medical professional giving their blessing on you leaving and you leaving on your own. Was it likely something would happen to Lily? No. Would I have been completely and utterly crushed if something did happen after I left? Without a doubt. So I stayed. After agreeing to stay, I settled into bed and cried silently. At my exhaustion, my frustration, everything.
At some point I started watching my mom play on her iPad (she was trying not to stare at me since her baby was in pain) and out of the corner of my eye, I noticed something was wrong. My IV had blown and the fluids were filling my arm up, swelling it until it looked like I had a Popeye muscle. Well that was just freaking fantastic. The night nurse looked at my original arm (which was the right arm. This is getting confusing so left arm = Popeye muscle and unusable until it deflated. Right arm = original victim) and commented that it sucked my original IV was removed since it would come in handy right about now. She looked at all my veins…and couldn’t find one. Write, hand, forearm, side of my arm..nothing. She said I might just get to go home if they couldn’t find a vein and my fingers were crossed. She called in the IV specialist dude…and I hate him with a passion because he found a vein. The one directly in the middle of my elbow crease, where people tend to draw blood from. So I wasn’t allowed to bend my arm. LOL ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? Not only am I in hell but I cannot use my right arm anymore? I sobbed then said screw it and used my arm anyways. Pissed my fluids off constantly but my give-a-shit was broken and we had been there long enough to know how to restart them without calling for help. So ha!
i got MUSCLES
Super nice attending doctor asked to feel my belly since every time they did a pelvic exam, Lily would float away when they touched her head. “Bollatable” is the medical term. Anyways, he felt my stomach and then asked how big my husband and I were at birth. I was 9lbs 8oz and Eric wasn’t too far off from that. He nodded and gave us a “sorry” grin as he estimated she would be close to nine pounds. Oh joyous day, my first one has to be ginormous.
Day 5, Sunday, 12/21, ETA -3 days
The night was spent with Lily rolling off the monitor, me getting woken up to out her back on the monitor, me falling asleep…repeat. Same old, same old. My day nurse came in and she was wonderful. Her name was Sheila, spelled Shilaus. She got annoyed that the doctors were taking so long to come see me so she let me eat, shower, take a walk (total times eating since Wednesday: 5). Another nurse, Lisa, came in and braided my hair then rubbed oils on my stomach and back.
breakfast of champions
Shilaus tried to move my IV to my forearm on my left arm…instantly blew the vein so I had a painful lump for a week and I’m still nursing a nasty bruise (it’s 1/6/15 as I write this)..and the AC vein IV remained. My foley bulb finally came out and I was rechecked… at 3cm 60% and -3. Oh look I “moved”. I spoke with my resident and the attending doctor who informed me that I was going to begin 24 hours of pitocin at 3pm and if I didn’t go into active labor, they were going to start discussing a c section so MAYBE Monday night but definitely Tuesday, I was going to have a baby. Okay, I’m fine with that. At this point, she needs to get out and I would gladly do a c section. Pitocin started with an oral dose of Cytotec and I prepared myself for my impending c section. My resident came in right before shift change and told me that he as going to start pressing the OB doctors for a c section tomorrow instead of Tuesday as I had been there for so long and he had been alongside me since the beginning of my induction so he knew we needed to get things going now. My mom headed home for the night to take care of my pets and get a good rest before any decisions were made. My night doctor came in at 11pm, same man who tried to let me go home Friday night, and implied that he was pretty damn sure I was getting a c section.
Day 6, Monday, 12/22/14, ETA -4 days
12:30am, chilling in my bed, talking to the hubs… Did I just pee myself? I made Eric go see if I peed myself. He gave me a shrug and a ‘I think so?’ and then his eyes widened right when I felt another flow of fluids. ‘Brittany, that did not come from where you pee…’ ……did my water just break???? Called my night nurse and the way she said “YOUR water broke?” will forever be ingrained in my mind and I will chuckle every time I think of it. The ‘uh huh sure’ tone remained as she told me she’d send the doctor in. He arrived with the resident and he gave me this smile that said “you probably peed yourself” as I told him no laughing if that’s what happened. They checked me… Yep, water broke! They’d be back in a little bit with the midwife to attach the internal monitors and this party was starting! When they left, I looked at Eric and said “the little shit waited until the last possible second to come on her own” and he laughed. What else should I expect? We all remember this post where I said she tried to mimic me by making her hand look like boy parts? Well I was due to be induced on the 30th..and I came in the 29th so OF COURSE she waited until right before the c section. I told my mom who had was just as disbelieving but it-freaking-figures as I was and she went to bed to gear up for my impending, hopefully vaginal, delivery of Lilyian.
The midwife came in to attach the internal contraction monitor and internal fetal monitor… As she went to put the first monitor in, she officially broke my water and holy hell there was so much fluid. So very much fluid. So much fluid she had to stop and change my bedding before attaching the second monitor. Eric equates the amount of fluid to opening a drainage pipe for a dam. All I know is my butt and feet were suddenly on fire and very wet. They attached the fetal monitor and I was allowed to sleeeeeee…negative, somehow Lily detached herself from the internal monitor. My nurse grabbed another monitor and I told her I still felt like I was flowing amniotic fluid and she said almost all of it was gone in the tidal wave so I was probably peeing myself. She went to attach the second monitor…and the second tidal wave wet up her arm. Well, I did warn her. She laughed, said I could have at least bought her dinner first, then attached the monitor before changing her clothes. Lily still popped off the monitor every once in awhile so they put me in crappy positions to try to keep her on them. It didn’t work. The midwife came back in not too long later and told me that she had created the system that the DOD uses in L&D. It has been used for a few years now and she wanted to talk to the woman who, for the first time ever, went over the note limit. Yep, I broke her system. My doctors were having to write out my notes elsewhere to be entered in a separate location. She was impressed, I was impressed. I had been there SO LONG I had used up every single available note slot. I’m proud.
The pain from the contractions was really starting to beat me up so I asked for an epidural. The lidocaine was PAINFUL and the epidural got a nerve on the left middle part of my butt. I finally got some sleep. Shilaus was my day nurse again and she came in all excited that I was going into active labor and she had snatched me as a patient before anyone else could (much to the dismay of my previous day nurses, including the badass nurse from Friday who was pouting that she was charge nurse and couldn’t take me. She gave me a high five though!). I asked for the epidural to be turned down as I felt very sick at its current level. I had no feeling in my left leg, some feeling in my right with 80% foot control! my ass was numb… just no fun. They turned it down by two and I could feel my left leg slightly so I was happy. I got some anti itch meds because being numb = ITCHY SPOTS THAT DO NOT GO AWAY. The meds helped tremendously, 10/10 would recommend. Suddenly, my pain was back but only on my right side. From the middle of my pelvis to the middle of my lower back on the right, I was in excruciating pain whenever a contraction hit. Oh great, the epidural was definitely on my left. They turned the meds back up and nothing changed except lack of feeling in my legs. After about an hour of making my mom and nurse want to cry from my moans, I agreed to get a second epidural. They removed the first (free back wax from all the tape!), gave me oxygen, and a second was inserted. I laid down…the pain wrapped my entire pelvis and back now! This is the opposite of what I wanted!!! After a half hour, the anesthesiologist came back and evaluated my pain. He informed me that there was a good chance my baby was sitting in such a position that the epidural was ineffective in that area but decided to give me a dose of c-section epidural meds to see if it would help. Powerful stuff, right? All it did for me was make my ass 100% numb. All the pain but without a butt to center myself on. Fun times.
I stayed on the oxygen for nearly the rest of my labor as it was helping me breathe and I withdrew into myself to block out some of the pain. I was checked sporadically throughout the day, always progressing, and around 3pm I was completely effaced and Lilyian was RIGHT THERE at the cervix but I had a tiny little lip left that she couldn’t get passed. Ugh! Shilaus checked me again 30 minutes later…smaller cervix lip but still too big for Lily to squeeze by. She said she would be back in a little while to check me again and headed out. I’m not sure how much time passed as I was focused on my contractions..but all of the sudden I realized I couldn’t do Kegels (best description I can give) because something was there. I narrowed my eyes and Eric and my mom both asked what was wrong????? I told them to call Shilaus, it was time to push. She came in, checked me, wow yep there’s the baby TIME TO PUSH. Oh and guess what, I suddenly couldn’t feel my contractions anymore. Do you know how you’re supposed to push? Grab your legs and bring them to your chest (with my legs 90% dead, that didn’t happen. Eric and Mom became human stirrups) then tuck your chin and try to poop whenever you feel a contraction. Push three times at a slow ten count. Well I grabbed my legs that my lovely support team were holding up and went at it. It didn’t go well at first because A. can’t feel the contractions so I was doing more work, and B. I had no idea how to push. There’s a certain point where your brain thinks you should most definitely not push any harder and baby pushing is past that point. Also, I had to focus the pushing on my perineum, otherwise I wasn’t moving.
Lily moved fairly quickly downwards but I was so exhausted from five days of induction, no food, little sleep, and pushing more than I needed to that I started to taper off. Everyone kept encouraging me to keep going and that her head was nearly to the point where it stopped going back in after a push. Shilaus repeatedly asked me if I wanted a mirror or to reach down and feel her head. This was the only time I snapped at someone and it was after telling her no several times. I immediately apologized. Then I had a panic attack of HER HEAD ISN’T OUT YET?? and begged them to use the vacuum or something to help me. The doctors looked at me in disbelief and told me I HAD this, I didn’t need help and she was way passed the point of assisted delivery. Well fine, I was getting this baby out NOW. I started focusing heavily to feel a contraction and my mom realized that Lily was no longer a sunny side up baby. The little snot had turned when she got to the last bit of the cervix and that’s why I couldn’t feel my contractions!!! So I focused and I pushed as hard as I could, I screamed once when her head got to the widest point. Not really from pain, mostly from frustration and feeling a lot of pressure. I shouted again in frustration and suddenly my baby’s head was out. Another two pushes, I got her shoulders out and she just slid right out. They put her on my stomach and..I had a baby. My daughter was laying on my stomach. 57 minutes of pushing and I had my daughter a 4:57pm. I looked at my husband and he was bawling and smiling and kept telling me I did such a good job. I laughed as she peed on me but she settled down until Shilaus dried her off some.. then she peed on me again. The doctor delivered my placenta, Shilaus asked if I wanted to see it, ew no thank you. They measured Lily after a little bit of skin to skin contact. My little 7lb 11oz baby was 20.5 inches long and healthy as could be with a full head of dark hair (ha! I win! Everyone thought she would be born blonde since it runs in both our families but I was born with a full head of black hair so I said she would be too. Success!!)
fresh out of the prison cell
i feel ya, bro
All of the nurses who had fought over me came rushing in, one even complained that she wished she had came in my room instead of helping deliver another baby but she thought she had time! I pushed Lily out too quickly for her to make it over in time. Lily snuggled at my breast, we worked on latching which finally took after a few tries, and I just laid there with my beautiful daughter. Oh, anyone wondering how Lily was more than a pound less than what the doctor estimated? Yeah, all that amniotic fluid. It’s why she wouldn’t move down and kept bouncing away from all the checks and monitors. Not only was she active, there was so much fluid that she simply could not move downwards. Explains why my pelvis didn’t open and she never really dropped. After cuddling for an hour, dinner was brought to me and Eric snatched his daughter up as fast as he could. I ate and watched him walk with her around the room, absolutely mesmerized by her. Then he ran out to grab food for everyone, giving my mom a chance to meet her granddaughter.
first daddy daughter dance
Those two helped me so much more than I thought possible in delivering my little girl. I am forever grateful that I was able to have them both there, especially my mom since she drove 20 hours to be there for the birth. She took care of my house and pets so Eric didn’t have to leave me in the hospital alone. I was never alone. And now I have my daughter. My daughter. I am a mother. My life will never be the same and I’m so happy for it.
Happy New Year!
Stay tuned for our adventures in the EMERGENCY ROOM and being ADMITTED TO A CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL with a FOUR DAY OLD (yep. that really happened)