Ah food. The relationship I have with food is a complicated one. I grew up watching my mom use food as a therapist and I inherited that tendency from her. I vividly remember stepping on the scale in 5th grade and weighing in at 146lbs then running away crying while my classmates snickered at me. I grew to love..hate..love?.. no hate! food throughout my teenage years. I resented my mom for taking the easy way out of her obesity by getting a gastric bypass (and now, years later, she admits it was her way to cheat exercising the weight off. She exercises and eats correctly now though!). I worked off my weight and sophomore, bow chica bow wow!
I married Eric the summer before my senior year, 6 days before he left for basic training. I exercised and focus on my wedding a few months later. Then we moved in together, 7 hours away from my family. I was depressed. Super depressed. And I turned to my old friend, food. I gained 100lbs in a year. One. Hundred. Pounds. All i did was sit around the apartment, eating, growing more depressed because I didn’t know anything and I didn’t have anything to do and omg my clothes are getting tighter so lets eat away the sadness. Vicious cycle and I didn’t see the problem until I started college and this picture was taken of me.
Eyes wide open. Mayday mayday we have a problem. I was tired just walking around. I was grumpy. My marriage wasn’t falling apart quite yet but we were close.. and it was all on me and it took that picture to realize it. Eric deployed and I started to cook more, walk more, do more. I lost 40lbs during his 12 month deployment and MAN did I like how I felt!! I had energy, I was happier, our marriage flourished (we haven’t had a Major Fight since his R&R during deployment. Which was 4 years ago. we’ve fought but they weren’t “I want a divorce!” quality), and.. then I had a miscarriage. I gained a little bit of my weight back, about 10lbs, and then I decided I wanted to look and feel better again. I started making a real effort to lose weight, especially once Eric and I were living in two different states for a year so I could finish my Bachelor’s degree while he was stationed elsewhere. I lost about 16lbs, graduated!, and moved back with my husband. I once again gained some weight (and I’ve noticed the pattern. I gain weight when I’m with Eric. We get lazy and eat out more. Good thing I’m keeping track now, huh?!) Then I got pregnant with Lilyian and food became the enemy once more. I couldn’t keep anything down! I hated all foods but especially chicken and garlic (I love chicken and garlic so this was saddening…)
Now I’m me again, but as a mom. I’m Lilyian’s mom and she NEEDS me to be here for her. I need to have the energy to chase her little butt all around, to keep her entertained, to make sure she learns enough to develop to her fullest potential. So we are having a lifestyle change. I cook again, all the time. I didn’t realize how much I missed cooking! I spent all of Sunday preparing food for lunches so we wouldn’t grab crappy foods.
And this entire post started because my lunch was quinoa, homemade salad dressing, a plum, carrots, and sugar snap peas. Ah, I love food.
Note: There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG with being a bigger person. Embrace yo’ curves! Love every single inch of you! WORK IT! You’re beautiful, period.